My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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