Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
