I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
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I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
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We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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