is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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