I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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