he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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