i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
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