i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It's official drugs can't kill me
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
