You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
