dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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