is your mom at the bar?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
The ass gains better be worth it
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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