just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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