my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
