I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
