Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
