You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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