Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
