ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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