sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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