I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
