can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
