i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize