I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
