Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
