fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
