He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I can text with my tongue
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
