I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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