Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
