There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize