I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
