Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
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I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
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You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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