remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
