Sober January is a disaster.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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