I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
