I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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