Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
