do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
