haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
