glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize