I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
