is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
