My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
