I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
