oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
