i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
smell my finger.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
