YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
