i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
