I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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