I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
