When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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