I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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