Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize