So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
