I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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