I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
