Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
