Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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