After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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