Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
