id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
