did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
