You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
