omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
