I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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