At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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