so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
