he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He passed out mid-signature
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Two words: nipple clamps
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