thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
