Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
