it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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