how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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