Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
