btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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