The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
