My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
