Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
